This house was built for laser tag.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
