Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
