those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
