Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
