i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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