just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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