Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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