I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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