If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
