Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
We got so high we made milksteak
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
