were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
MIDGETS
????
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
