I don't remember. Are we still dating?
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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