Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
