a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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