You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
