I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Randomize
