did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Quick, to the slutcave!
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
This house was built for laser tag.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
