I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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