Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
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