The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
tell me about the eggs
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
