do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
dude. I can hear the air.
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