haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize