I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
