Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
