I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
