the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
