I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
