Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize
