Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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