I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
