i would punch a child for taco bell
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
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