Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
