I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
