every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
