my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
