we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
