omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I would ride that face into the sunset
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