dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Randomize
