proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
