Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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