Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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