I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
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