I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Randomize
