"it" just moved
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Randomize
