I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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