remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize