bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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