I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
