dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize