paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
