I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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