just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
there is another microwave in the elevator.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
