Who wears a wallet chain?!
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Randomize
