I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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