Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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