lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
