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I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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