i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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