Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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