you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
