At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
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