Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
You dont lie about slip and slides
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
