dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
