I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
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