the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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