i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
