Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
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