Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
