how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I think your dad took our porno
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
