I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
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